I stood there on the bank of the lake. My hand kept waving as the bus departed. Bus, which was taking away from me the person I had loved so much. The person who did not know I loved him…
Finally the bus took a turn around the bend in the hill and disappeared. It was 6 o Clock in evening and some clouds had formed in the sky making the lake behind me look a little gloomy. Nothing compared to the sinking feeling I had in my heart. Something inside me was telling me I’d never see him again. I felt lifeless.
Somehow I retraced my steps back to the hostel. Most of the girls had already gone back to their home towns. Final exams were over. I had overstayed a few days just because of him. His exams ended 3 days later than mine. I wanted to be with him as much as I could.
We had been together most of these 3 years. I had liked him from the day when I saw him on the stage as organiser of the college annual function. He seemed to be very confident, witty and at ease as host of the function. He had a lean, athletic body and had a grace in his walk. How could anyone not like him?
We had 2 subjects in common and soon we became friends. Our circle included 3 girls including me and 4 boys. Soon, it became a group known all over the college as the TEA group as we were seen at college canteen whenever we had free time.
Later I found out he was very intelligent and eventually he became topper of the batch – for 3 years in a row. But he was very humble also. Very friendly. By the end of second year I was madly in love with him.
Third year started. During the summer vacations, I spent hours imagining how to let him know my feelings. I was always joking with him making him uncomfortable at every opportunity I got. He did not take my jibes seriously and always laughed at my jokes.
Everyone thought I was trying to make a joke of him, but I actually wanted to draw his attention and the only way I knew was to play funny with him.
However, summer was gone and I could not think of anything how to tell him I loved him. On the first day of the college when I saw him coming down the hilly road to attend classes, I just wanted to run and hug him. However I could not any such thing.
He came to me. Our group was already there with him. Everyone asked others how they spent vacations and then we had a tea session and then went to the classes.
During classes I decided nothing doing; I’d just go and tell him how I felt about him.
The class ended and everybody again proceeded to canteen just like we always did. I got stuck somewhere for few minutes with some hostel friends and when I reached the canteen I heard his agitated voice – “How can you do such a silly thing. It is not the age for romance. It is the time to build career. Don’t spoil a good friendship by this love shove thing”. I entered the canteen and what I saw there made my heart sink. He was talking to one of the girls in our group and tearing a letter into pieces and threw them on to the floor.
I just could not stop myself and kneeling down on floor I picked up the pieces… the first one said in her hand writing…. Dear Rajesh, I Love you. I have been wanting to tell you this …..
I simply did not know what to do. I stood back near the wall. No one understood how I felt. Everyone thought I was shocked just like everyone was at his reaction to her love letter. No one had any idea about my feelings for him.
The girl, my friend of past two years was crying, tears flowing down her cheeks.
I found some of my sense back and taking her by shoulder took her out of the canteen. We sat outside the canteen on a bench watching the lake down below. My heart went to her… she was sobbing with her head on my shoulder. I too cried softly … tears for her love and my love. I realized now there was no way I could tell him my feelings.
After that day we continued to remain the TEA group but something was amiss. Soon the year passed and final exams were over. All of us met for one last time at canteen. We had TEA, wished everyone luck. The girls cried. Then we separated.
Next day, he was going to his home town. I came down from the hostel to bus station and met him. He said nothing much. Soon he boarded the bus. Just before boarding the bus, he gave me a book and said – All the best!
I came back to my hostel and opened the book. As soon as I opened the book, I started crying. The book had only plain pages. On the first page he had written in his writing – “I thought some day you will understand my feelings. But it seems that day will never come. Still, I want to tell you -I love you and always will.” On rest of the pages He had simply written “I Love You”.
I cried again…
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